"They were in the beginnings of a thick forest.." This shows how much different this scenery is than it was when the boys were back home."The piglet tore lose... He (Jack) brought his arm down..." Jack had failed at slaughtering the piglet, showing a possible weakness of his. "He snatched his knife out of the sheath and slammed it into a tree trunk." Jack seems easily angered and may not be able to control his temper, which could be a sign of weakness, and possibly a future conflict involving him.
I like that you really use the language of the text, as opposed to simply referring to what happens. Now, name the techniques you're talking about and really push to their effect.
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